Warring with myself

I often wish I could change my very nature. So often things happen and I hate myself for who I am because who I am is hopeful and gullible. In certain situations people can let me down numerous times and I still trust them and believe in them. I don't know why I always have to to believe the best of everyone.

I hate myself for wanting things I know very clearly and logically are bad for me. I hate the fact that when those things don't work out exactly as I knew they wouldn't I'm still crushed.

This life is devoid of love. Like many other things that have happened in my life it's another one of those things that I stupidly continue to be hopeful about finding despite the evidence to the contrary. It's one of those things I hate myself for being gullible about. I want to be cold as ice. I want to be unfeeling and logical. If could be all of those things it wouldn't hurt anymore.